Quote:

 

*Somewhere in the valley of dead dreams*

The Circle: So your telling me that every threat to this system has been taken out?

The Architect: Yes, every mathematical equation, Perfect. Wait, what the deuce?

The Circle: holy rusted metal, Batman!!!!

The Architect: aw &#^^, didn't see that coming...

The Circle: what?

The Architect: a mathematical anomaly

* Random "All-star" by smashmouth starts as Brandon gets ready for work*

Brandon's mom: Damnit kid, your gonna be late for work *coughs and throws cigarette on the ground*

Brandon: Damnit I told you not to visit me anymore

Brandon's mom: I’m telling everyone you have never had sex and your in your mid thirties *coughs again*

Brandon: Damnit leave my sex life out of this

*later at work*

Manager Meanager: Brandon, you’re the worst worker here, and I bet you never even had a girlfriend

Brandon: I’m doing my---

Meanager: SELF-hahaha bet you didn't see that one coming

*Time stops for a second the starts again*

Meanager: SELF-hahaha bet you didn't see that one coming

Brandon: Deja vu

Meanager: bless you

*Door gets kicked down several police officers come running in*

Officer Bign'Happy: Brandon your coming' downtown with us *officer grabs Brandon with one hand and leaves*

*LAPD, I think*

Agent Smithers: Mr. Panderson, welcome

Brandon: who the hell are you?!?

Agent Smithers: that doesn't matter. *Takes out unusually large folder*

Brandon: what is that?

Agent Smithers: this happens to be a folder of every crime you have committed, from that candy bar you stole, that you thought you wouldn't get caught; to all your illegal software downloads

Brandon: that’s my private life, how'd you get that

Agent Smithers: Because I’m the goddamn Smithers

Brandon: what are you going to do?

Agent Smithers: This *has two other agents come in, they jump him and insert a "bug" into his stomach*

Brandon: *in pain* No, you'll never get away with this!!

Agent Smithers: I already have!

Brandon: why do I feel like we are referencing something that clearly fits in with thi----*wakes up in bedroom*

*Brandon’s bedroom*

Brandon: Holy Freaking Santa Claus, that was weird

Brandon's mom: shut up, i don't give a &#^^ about your problems

Brandon: shut up mom

*The next rainy day, in a taxi*

Brandon: To fourth and liberty gardens please

Taxi driver: sit tight

Brandon: your going the wrong way!

Taxi Drive: shut up *two other people in the taxi turn and hold Brandon down*

Brandon: what are you doing!

1st person: you have been bugged, now hold still *she then pulls a worm like thing out of Brandon's stomach*

Brandon: holy &#^^, that thing was inside of me!

Taxi Driver: we're here

Brandon: where is here

2nd person: that damned building behind you

Brandon: *turns around* why are we here?

Taxi Driver: to see Jackaru

Brandon: who the &#^^ is Jackaru?

1st person: you will see

*Inside the building*

Jackaru: I am Jackaru

Brandon: well no &#^^, why am I here, wait this is all a dream, I’m gonna wake up from it any second

Jackaru: Damnit, stop talking, I can barely hear myself give not a &#^^

Brandon: this is just a dream; it’s just a dream

Jackaru: *laughing* a dream, how do you know your not awake, how do you know this "awake" isn't a dream?

Brandon: what does that mean

Jackaru: I am holding two cupcakes, take the chocolate one, the story ends, kaput; take the vanilla one, and see just how far this story goes, travel deeper into the rabbit hole

Brandon: can we switch the vanilla and chocolate because vanilla gives me gas?

Jackaru: this is a freaking' metaphor just take a bite of vanilla Damnit

Brandon: *biting cupcake* don't say i didn't warn you

Jackaru: excellent

Brandon: wait, what’s happening, why can i see sounds *slips into unconsciousness*

*Random tank filled with a clear gooey substance, a naked Brandon dips his head out of the liquid*

Brandon: oh, &#^^ *falls over the side of the container, lands in a river*

Brandon: help me!

*a giant hovercraft flies overhead, a claw grabs Brandon*

Brandon: too tight!

*on board the ship*

Girl 1: I think he's waking up

Jackaru: Nao, can you here me?

Brandon: who the f*ck is Nao?

Jackaru: you damnit!

Brandon: no I’m Brandon, that’s what the writer has called me ever since starting this mildly funny story

Girl 1: shut up and get dressed, the crew is tired of staring at your genitals

Brandon: can i have some clothes?

Sparkles: take these; they look your size

Brandon: eh, thanks

*Later that night*

Sparkles: Yo Nao, lets see what your capable of learning, I'm gonna jack you into the Circle

Nao (from this point on i guess): yeah, jack me in

Sparkles: *plugging a cord into Nao's nose* I’m gonna teach you karate first

*Two hours, and like 1500 dvd-type brain downloads later*

Jackaru: how is he doing?

Sparkles: oh, &#^^, you scared me! The dude is like a machine; he keeps taking it in

Jackaru: plug me in

*a dojo inside the Circle*

Jackaru: *making a string of paper people* show me your skills

Brandon: *folding a swan using karate movies* try me

Jackaru: * folding a paper box and throwing it at Brandon*

*the real world, or is it a dream?*

Sparkles: Yo guys, Brandon is taking on Jackaru

Tankor: holy &#^^!

Girl 1: he's got some moves

Girl 2: Look at that giraffe!

*The Circle*

Brandon: *holding paper nun chucks* lets dance

Jackaru: *wielding a sword* bring it

*Brandon and Jackaru begin kicking each other’s asses with origami*

Jackaru: *breathing heavily* the end, jack us out Sparkles

*The real world, do we need to reopen this discussion?*

Jackaru: let me show you something, Nao

*The Circle, White Space*

Brandon: where am I?

Jackaru: this is the Circle, the way the machines control us

Brandon: explain

Jackaru: the year is 2009, man marveled over the creation of the first AI. But the machine learned humans could be destroyed. Man blocked out the sun in an effort to stop them, but they found another energy source: the Human. Thus the Circle was created. Man, was reduced to this: a battery. Now, humans are no longer born, they are grown in fields.

Brandon: *whistling* damn

Jackaru: may I continue?

Brandon: yes

Jackaru: as I was saying, a man, born into the first Circle was imbued with power, power that he could use to control the Circle. He was killed off and promised to return in 1 hundred years. Hence where you come in.

Brandon: look I'm not a Nao, I don't even know who that is.

Jackaru: I thought the author was going to refer to you as Nao from now on...

Author: *in booming voice* My Bad

Nao: wait, technically aren't I the author since I’m based off of him?

Author: well yes, but me, so we are two different people, my last name isn't even Panderson, its just a cleverly thought out name to avoid plagiarism lawsuits from the creator of The Matrix Trilogy (which this is loosely based off of)

Nao: what about Agent Smithers *somewhere in the Circle, Agent Smithers looks up and asks if someone called his name*

Author: also a cleverly thought up name, now get back to the story before i find new people to replace you with.

*The Circle*
Jackaru: there is someone I need you to meet

Brandon: a hooker?

Jackaru: you wish, no older

Brandon: who, your grandma, who happens to be a hooker?

Jackaru: NO, NO HOOKERS!

Brandon: you don't have to yell

Tankor: we're here

*Inside the apartment building*

The Psychic: come in

Brandon: hey you got any---

The Psychic: grub, take your pick of candy, and don't worry about the vase

Brandon: the vase is fine *trips over a spoon and the cracker in his hand flies outside the window, hitting someone's vase*

The Psychic: that vase

Brandon: damn your---

The Psychic: hot, haha got you, "good" I know

Brandon: well are you gonna tell me my future or something

The Psychic: your future is not written in stone, you must create it yourself

Brandon: well these people are telling me that I’m The One

The Psychic: well are you? Do you feel like The One?

Brandon: no because, I’m just Brandon B. Panderson

The Psychic: well you must discover who you really are

Brandon: well thank for the info

The Psychic: any time

*Later that night in an ally*

Jackaru: Sparkles, find us a way out of here

Sparkles: an old one, but in an office complex, J & D financing

Brandon: I used to work there follow me

*J & D financing*

Brandon: whoa

Girl 1: what?

Brandon: just deja vu

Jackaru: what exactly did you see?

Brandon: those birds flew away, then some more birds flew away in the same pattern as the first set

Girl 1: they've updated the system

Jackaru: Move! Move!

Brandon: *opening a door* brick wall, tadada

Tankor: in here!

Crash: I'll hold 'em off *pulls out two Tommy guns*

*Agents Smithers, Carrowski, and Thompson; along with several; police officers*

Jackaru: make sure Nao makes it out of here * Jackaru then jumps one of the agents, failing to land on him, he falls onto the ground*

Agent Carrowski: Got one, wait in the wall

*The police officers begin shooting at the wall, the author sits in aw as the bullets miss them*

Girl 1: Sparkles, find us a new exit

Sparkles: 2.5 miles south of you, the old Empire State Building

Agent Smithers: where did they go?

*real life, damn this joke is played out*

Brandon: we have to go rescue him

Girl 1: you don't even know him; I'm going in by myself

Brandon: No, it's to dangerous

Author: look, it clear you both like each other, you probably even slept with each other, why don't you both go in there and friggen save Jackaru's ass

Brandon: I can't lose her

Author: Damn it, I’m the author and what I say goes. I'm more powerful than god in this story so go into the Circle and kick some ass

*a rather played out banking firm*

Agent Smithers: Look Jackaru, tell me those files from Noiz, i want to leave this place!

Jackaru: *strained* never

*Meanwhile, or sometime between my argument with fictional characters and what just happened above*

*The first floor of the bank*

Security guard: I’m going to need to see your bag, and step through the metal detector

*alarms blare, police officers arm themselves, Brandon and Kari open their jackets, revealing several automatic guns*

Security guard: damn, shoot em

*Time slows down and an entire scene that looks to have come straight out of the Matrix (not exactly the same, remember I currently like living in a mansion)*

Kari: the elevator

Brandon: get the bomb ready

Kari: man, they are so f*cked

Brandon: ready *cable snaps, the elevator falls down 50 feet and the whole first and second floor blow up*

*Top floor of the banking firm, a few minutes before that whole kickass scene*

Agent Smithers: he isn't talking, up the truth serum dosage

Agent Carrowski: right way sir

*Ten minutes later agents Carrowski and Thompson come running throw the door*

Agent Thompson: what are you doing?

Agent Smithers: not showing this man pictures of our last trip to Reno

Agent Carrowski: he doesn't know

Agent Smithers: *putting earwig back in* know what *fire sprinklers start up* Nao, find them!

*Elsewhere in The Circle*

Brandon: i can't believe we did that

Kari: those guys are probably going "they're gone, wait what is that--*Explosion can be heard*

Brandon: damn, hey lets stop smoking and go get back our Jackaru

*The first place mentioned in the Circle*

Agent Smithers: hear that? Your friends are coming to save you

Jackaru: *strained* finally

*The roof of a building 2 miles outside of where Jackaru is; I’m not sure*

Brandon: hey a V-22 osprey, I used to fly these in a previous life

Kari: how did we go from 20 floors below Jackaru to 2 miles away?

Brandon: the actually Matrix had plot holes at this point (as far as the author remembers) so i guess we get plot holes

Kari: lets go

*place where Jackaru is being held captive*

Agent Carrowski: they're gone, we must of killed them

Agent Smithers: what is that sound *machinegun fire can be heard, windows bursting, the agents all fall to the ground*

Kari: come on Jackaru; get up

Jackaru: ahhhhh *breaks string holding him down, runs toward the Osprey and gets shot in the arm* damn it

Brandon: he isn’t gonna make it

Kari: *ties rope to herself and jumps out and grabs Jackaru*

Brandon: okay Sparkles; get us out of here

Sparkles: an exit 10 miles north

Brandon: thanks *a stray bird flies into one of the rotors*

Kari: what was that

Brandon: we goin' down

*Helicopter drops the two off, the goes careening into a building*

Jackaru: damn, guess he isn’t the one

Brandon: *behind them* who isn't the one?

Kari: *running up to Brandon* how did you do that?

Brandon: I’m not sure, but we gotta get to that exit

*Meanwhile at a random apartment*

Sparkles: nice to have you two back, oh &#^^

Kari: get outta there Brandon

*Inside of the Circle*

*a steak knife goes flying across the air cutting the phone, agent Smithers looks up at Brandon*

Brandon: oh &#^^

Agent Smithers: I'm back * starts shooting Brandon repeatedly in the chest, meanwhile in the real world bullet holes start forming in the real Brandon*

Kari: *next to Brandon’s ear* get up Brandon, the Psychic said i would fall madly in love with the One, so see, you can't be dead, get up and finish kicking ass

*Inside the Circle*

Agent Thompson: is he dead?

Agent Smith: yes *begins walking away*

The Author: *to Brandon, in the Real real world* get up and kick there ass, now

*the Circle*

Brandon: *strained* I'm not done with you

*The real world, seriously*

Sparkles: look, he's getting up

*The Circle*

Agent Smithers: your supposed to be dead

Nao: I...Am...Nao *makes an origami sword and slams it into Agent Smithers' chest, he then explodes. the other agents run out of the room*

*Several days later (actually a day later)*

Nao: *voice over* I know what you don't want us to know. I am gonna share this knowledge with the world, one step at a time. Humanity will fight back. *Lifts off the ground like Neo did in the first Matrix (how cool was that!), then gets shot in the heart by the bird that flew into the roter of the V-22 Osprey*

Nao: damn you bird-rat-thing